emilyexorsist: (Default)

I'm all up and down and all over the place at the moment. One minute I'm okay, everything is great and I'm smiling and the next something triggers a crash and a lot of the time I don't know why. This weekend was fabulous. But then some things happened that I didn't really think anything of at the time and now they're kinda getting out of hand. I feel all sick in my belly and keep getting shaky, too. I'm an anxious person my nature but recently I've become so much more so and it's beginning to get out of hand, to the point where I can't sleep and I'm eating so much less than I used to. It's like I'm on this self destructive path but I'm completely aware of it so why can't I stop it?!

I feel like I'm reverting back to my older ways and fuck, that scares me more than words can say.

I'm not who I used to be so whenever some old trait or habit starts re-emerging I freak out, get worse and lose control. I don't even know how to explain myself right now and I don't want to burden anyone one with the details. I just really needed to get something off my chest.

Thanks to anyone who listened to this rant <3 I think I'll just have to put on a brave face for the most part and try not to run away. Yeah, I'm good at faking a smile.


Jan. 30th, 2011 10:53 pm
emilyexorsist: (Default)
feeling horrible and lonely and anxious and scared that this is going to snowball into something.

I don't want to go back.


emilyexorsist: (Default)

October 2012

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