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emilyexorsistTitle: The Last Goodbye
Pairing: YunJae (Yunho/Jaejoong)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: adult content, language
Disclaimer: The words are my own but not the boys.
Summary: Yunho and Jaejoong spend one last night together.
When Jaejoong knocked on Yunho’s door he knew he would be leaving in pieces. Pieces that for the first time, Yunho wouldn’t be there to glue back together. They’d stood side by side through everything SME had thrown at them but this one final blow was ripping them apart and now the time had come for the last goodbye.
Jae shivered, the warm air not doing a thing to heat his icy veins and knocked again. Behind the door the room was silent and for a moment he wondered if Changmin had given him the right door number. The hotel was vast and the maknae was prone to inattentiveness.
Seconds continued to tick by leaving Jae to shift restlessly from foot to foot. His heart was thudding like a dull toll and his eyes kept smarting but he withheld any tears, he would greet Yunho as he always had; standing tall.
Without warning, the door clicked open, pulled wide by a dishevelled looking Yunho.
“Jae... what—”
“I had to see you, one last time,” Jae said quickly, his eyes wide with the unshed tears.
Yunho shook his head sadly. “No, Jae, this isn’t a good idea.” He paused, his eyes flicking up to Jae’s and then away again. “I think you should leave.”
It was Jae’s turn to shake his head and he wrung his hands. “Please, Yunho, this is so hard. I can’t leave without saying goodbye to you.”
“We said goodbye yesterday, remember?”
Jae thought back to the lingering hugs the five friends had shared, the handshakes with management and the poisonous glares aimed at Lee Soo Man and his associates before he, Yoochun and Junsu had departed, supposedly to new horizons. But for Jae, he was leaving the only horizon he’d ever strived to meet and he knew that not having Yunho with him was going to kill him. Slowly and agonisingly, it was going to kill him.
“That wasn’t a real goodbye,” Jae insisted, stepping closer to Yunho and hoping to appease him. “You knew that.”
Jae watched as his lover –ex-lover, he reminded himself bitterly—pursed his lips tightly before sighing. “I did know that. But—”
“Stop,” Jae said before Yunho could widen the gulf between them and say things they would both regret. They needed to do this, Jae thought fiercely, it was the last thing they had. He pushed past Yunho and into the room. “One last time.”
Jae moved to sit on the end of the bed and waited for Yunho’s response. Yunho closed the door with a resonant click.
“Lee Soo Man—”
It was as though the mere mention the man who had destroyed them stabbed Jae hard, right through his chest and out the other side. The name cut like ice and made Jaejoong’s body tremble with both terror and unrepentant rage.
Yunho had stopped talking before Jae could say anything and he watched as his features twist into something akin to nausea. Jae wanted to reach out and smooth away the worry lines that Yunho hadn’t had six months before, makeup-less Yunho looked just as haggard as Jaejoong felt. At least his leader’s face hadn’t thinned out as much as his own. Every time Jae looked in the mirror he saw emaciated features, pretty only when the coordi noonas had caked his skin with pastes and powders and cover ups.
Suddenly Yunho broke the silence and Jae started, unprepared for his lover’s words. “Did anybody follow you here?” he asked quietly.
Jae sat motionless, scared to snap something in Yunho and make him change course. Yunho had never been able to deny Jae anything until Lee Soo Man had swept in like a demonic bat and snatched him under his wing, leaving Jae with an ultimatum; follow Yunho and pay the consequences or leave for good.
Leaving had been the toughest decision of his life and Jaejoong knew that although he would never admit it, Yunho at least partially blamed him. After all, Jae was the one walking away, taking Yoochun and Junsu – Yunho and Changmin’s brothers – with him. He looked across the room at the other man sadly.
“No,” he shook his head and two wayward locks of hair fell into his eyes. “No one knows where I am.” He paused. “Except Changmin, he told me where to find you.”
He watched Yunho through his hair, wanting the man to come closer, but Yunho remained by the door, only moving to dip his chin as he pondered Jae’s words.
“Because we have to be so careful,” Yunho said, looking at Jae with a blank expression. “We weren’t careful and now look where we are. Jae...”
“I know,” Jae whispered.
“Sometimes I can’t believe you’re really going,” Yunho leant against the door and regarded Jae with a mixture of despair and disappointment.
Hearing Yunho speak those words felt like the weight of a thousand worlds was pressing upon Jae’s shoulders; behind them he could hear the blame in Yunho’s voice. He looked at his lap where his hands were clasped tightly together. The knuckles were white against the dark denim of his jeans but no matter how hard he squeezed, he couldn’t stop them shaking.
Would an apology be futile? Would Yunho deny placing the blame upon Jae’s back or would he be reduced to anger as Jae had during so many conferences with SME? He didn’t want tonight to be about blame and resentment; he wanted to remember his last time with Yunho as perfect.
Before he could work out a response however, Yunho spoke up again. “This will be it, Jae. We can never, ever go back to how it was before. It’s all over.”
Jae’s head was still hanging and he nodded minutely. He didn’t trust himself to speak the hurt was so great. His chest ached and his eyes stung, fighting back the tears was like a single tree fighting to hold back a flash-flood.
“One last time,” Yunho repeated Jae’s words softly.
At last Jae managed to raise his head again, finding Yunho’s gaze locked upon his own. Their eyes met across the small space between door and bed and before Jae could understand what Yunho was saying, the other man was striding towards him, kissing him as he pushed him back against the mattress.
“One last time,” Yunho said again against Jae’s lips. “Jaejoong...I...”
Jae whimpered, clutching onto the back of Yunho’s t-shirt and struggling to haul him as close as possible. Together they scooted up until Yunho gently rested Jae’s head against the pillows and his body covered Jae’s, pressing into him in that entirely familiar way.
Jae had always felt properly loved when he was with Yunho, they worked goddamn magic together and the knowledge that this would be the last time they could love each other made Jae’s whole body shake and his heart pound against his ribcage.
“Jae...,” Yunho breathed, trailing his lips across Jae’s cheek and down to his collar bone.
Jae spread his legs as Yunho settled between them and slowly worked the hem of Yunho’s shirt up until it was caught beneath his arms.
“I want to feel everything,” Jae said, his voice wavering dangerously.
Yunho pulled away, sitting back on Jae’s hips. “Me too,” was all he said, looking right into Jae’s eyes. Jae felt himself blush, knowing that despite Yunho’s inhibitions and despite Yunho’s hatred of how things were ending, there was still the flair of lust flashing behind tired eyes.
That Yunho wanted him always stirred something primal in Jae’s belly and he felt it now, tugging at his insides and causing him to release a heavy breath. His belly felt taught and his skin felt like an electric current was coursing just under the surface, as though one touch from Yunho would set him alight.
As if in understanding, Yunho reached down to touch Jae’s cheek, tracing the high bone and carefully sliding his fingers into his dark hair. Jae’s eyes fluttered shut at the loving gesture and he bit down on his lip to stop from sobbing. He’d never done anything this hard in his life and it was fucking tearing him apart.
“Don’t cry,” Yunho said delicately. “Pretend we’ll wake up together tomorrow and pretend we never stepped into this nightmare. Pretend we’ll go on living together, you and I, okay?”
Jae nodded and screwed his eyes shut, not opening them even as he felt Yunho dip low and kiss first one lid then the other in the tenderest gesture Jae had ever known.
“Show me your eyes,” Yunho coaxed before kissing Jae’s lips.
Jae opened his wet eyes and gazed up at Yunho. He blinked, admiring how beautiful his lover was. Jaejoong knew that he was pretty but Yunho was gorgeous, sometimes it had hurt to look at him but now it was as though someone was hacking his heart out with a pickaxe. To know he could never again call Yunho his own made his whole body quiver, to know that soon Yunho would have a beautiful girl on his arm who he would call “his girl” was too much.
“Oh god,” Jae choked. “Yunho—”
But before another word could spill out, Yunho was kissing him hard. The firm press of his lips made Jae gasp and he allowed Yunho’s tongue to gently open his mouth until they were dancing together, Jae surrendering to Yunho’s insistent touches.
“I think you’re wearing too many clothes,” Yunho said into the kiss, at the same time pushing Jae’s shirt up over his nipples.
The comment was so familiar that Jae nearly laughed, startled at the way Yunho had so casually dropped it into the bittersweet moment. It was exactly what Yunho always said before stripping Jae down to nothing but bare skin.
“I agree,” he said softly and allowed Yunho to sit back, pulling Jae up with him until their legs were tangled together and they were both sitting on the bed.
Their eyes met and Jae tried to smile for Yunho, wanting him to remember this not as goodbye but as a promise to love Yunho forever. Yunho’s own lips quirked up in a strained smile and then he was lifting Jae’s shirt up and off until it landed somewhere over the side of the bed.
“Jeans,” Yunho mumbled, focusing on the zipper as Jae’s crotch.
Jae rested his hands on Yunho’s shoulders as he knelt up and allowed Yunho to tug the waist band of his trousers and boxers down to his knees. Just as Jae was about to stand and rid himself completely of the clothing though, Yunho wrapped his arms right around Jae’s waist and nuzzled his belly, kissing over his navel.
“I’ll miss every single thing about you,” Yunho said, the words garbled against Jae’s abdomen. Jae had to lean over Yunho to steady himself. He clutched onto his head and pressed his nose into Yunho’s messy hair. His stomach contracted painfully as he tried to hold them both together.
“Fuck.”
“I hate this,” Jae said. “So fucking much.”
Yunho seemed to be coping better than Jae. His lips were soothing against Jae’s belly, kissing the soft skin again and again until he couldn’t bear it any longer. Jae stood, removing his jeans completely and then waiting as Yunho did the same.
For the second time that night, Yunho laid Jae back against the mattress, running his hands all over Jae’s now naked body. Yunho’s perfect, slim fingers dipped into all Jae’s favourite places, touching everywhere and giving him all the attention he needed. Their lips never left each other and soon Jae found himself slowly starting to grind his hips against Yunho’s. The pace wasn’t hurried; it was gentle and languid, each man wanting nothing more than to love properly for the last time.
As he moved, Jae felt their cocks come to life together until Yunho shifted lower, hiking Jae up the bed and lowering his hips to press between Jae’s legs.
Jae gasped. He dug his hands into Yunho’ back and felt the shuddering ripple of muscle beneath tanned skin. Warm lips kissed behind his ear as he tipped his head back against the pillows.
“All I ever want is you,” Jae managed as he felt Yunho move between his legs. “I won’t ever love anyone as much as I love you.”
Yunho looked at Jae with dark eyes but remained silent. He bent down for one more kiss before propping himself on one forearm while the other trailed down Jae’s body until it touched lightly between Jae’s legs.
Carefully, Yunho nudged Jae’s legs further apart with his hand, rubbing circles into the inside of his thighs as they moved closer and closer to...
“Are you ready?” Yunho asked.
Jae nodded and reached other the pillow, feeling around for the familiar white tube. He smiled when his fingers closed around the small cylinder.
“Did you know?” He asked Yunho.
“I hoped,” Yunho replied, unsmiling.
“I wouldn’t have gone without saying goodbye, you have to have known that,” Jae frowned, reaching up to cup Yunho’s cheek with one hand.
Yunho looked away and Jae sighed, letting his hand drop. He felt as though Yunho was already letting go, while for Jae, he would never be able to let go. Perhaps Yunho was trying to make the split easier on them but Jae didn’t want him to, not yet, not tonight.
He didn’t say anything, not now. Instead he pressed the lube into Yunho’s palm and lifted his head to kiss his cheek.
The click as Yunho thumbed open the white tube reverberated right beside his ear and it unnerved Jae. Everything they did he was forced to acknowledge the fact that it would be the last time.
He watched silently as Yunho rubbed the liquid between his fingers, warming it up as he always did and then the hand disappeared again between Jae’s legs.
“Ohh,” Jae exhaled as Yunho pressed his thumb against his hole, pushing enough to cause a burn but not breaching him yet. With both arms, Jae clung to his lover and tugged him close.
As their lips met, two of Yunho’s fingers pushed into Jae’s body and he panted into Yunho’s mouth, his heart beating faster at the intrusion.
“Okay?”
Jae knew Yunho was asking because it had been months since they’d made love. Lee Soo Man had made sure to fill their time with conference after conference, show after show after court appearance and then when they had free time, Yunho would be whisked away to sign this, or Jae’s flight would be inexplicably delayed. But now, he was ready.
“Yes,” he breathed.
Yunho added a third finger and Jae gasped; the pain a surprise but Yunho’s immediate attentiveness more than welcome.
“Shh,” Yunho soothed, kissing along the side of Jae’s neck when the elder pressed the back of his skull into the pillows again.
“Oh, it’s so good,” Jae said, his words slightly strained as Yunho pushed his fingers in and out.
“Baby...” Yunho said hoarsely and Jae arched his back. Yunho rarely used terms of endearments and it made Jae’s toes curl to know that, in a way, Yunho was marking him out as his own.
“I’m ready, I promise,” Jae said, as he shut his eyes tight.
He felt Yunho’s free hand push into his hair and move already sweaty fronds back off his forehead. The bottle of lube was opened once more and Jae knew Yunho was slicking his cock, preparing himself diligently.
Suddenly, Jae wanted to love Yunho like he deserved to be loved, properly and wholly. He struggled to raise himself, his waist bending against Yunho’s weight as he half sat up.
He placed one hand against the other man’s chest and shoved gently. Yunho’s confused gaze was wiped away and replaced instead with an unreadable expression, but Jae knew he’d understood as he obediently rolled to his back tugging Jae over him until the lead singer was straddling Yunho’s hips.
Their gazes met, fire burning behind both sets of eyes and Jae sucked in an unsteady breath. He sat up, reaching behind himself to wrap wiry fingers around Yunho’s cock as he positioned himself.
Never looking away from Yunho he whispered, “For the last time,” as he sank down onto his cock in a swift, fluid movement.
He cried out, throwing his head back as intense pain and pleasure shot up his spine and into every nerve in his body.
“Ah!” Yunho’s hands flew to Jae’s hips, gripping them painfully and holding Jae still.
One of Jae’s hands had been flung back to clutch Yunho’s thigh while the other was wrapped tightly around his cock, willing himself not to unravel.
Very slowly, they began to move, Jae forcing himself to think of nothing but Yunho’s long, thick cock sliding in and out of him, how much he lived for this, how much Yunho meant to him. How much he loved Yunho with his entire fucking being.
He lifted himself, dropping back down and rotating his hips expertly. Jae knew how to dance, and Jae knew how move his hips. They’d learnt together, Yunho and Jae, they’d learnt how to dance together and they’d learnt how to love together.
Loving anyone like Jae loved Yunho would never happen and Jae whimpered as he clenched around the man beneath him, wanting to feel every part fill him.
He heard Yunho breath through clenched teeth and looked down to see dark eyes watching him.
His chest contracted painfully. How had it come to this?
“Fuck... this is so hard.”
Yunho’s eyes darted away, his fingers digging hard into Jae’s hips.
Jae felt he barely had any right to complain. He knew it was killing Yunho to be with him one last time because he was the one walking away. Jae was the one leaving Yunho and Yunho would be left with Changmin, the two of them pawns of SME. Lee Soo Man had given Jae two paths, one which was impossible to take and so Jae had been forced to stumble down the second, too desperate not to see his family suffer.
He cried out brokenly, his teeth found his bottom lip and he bit down viciously, fighting off the rising agony in his chest. Instead he tried to focus on how Yunho’s nails would be leaving small crescents in his skin, how when he’d take a shower tomorrow he would wash away everything but ten tiny bruises imprinted on his hips and reddened lips. He wondered if any physical pain would ever eclipse the pain of his shattered heart.
Desperately, he forced himself to look down at Yunho, wanting to tell him how fucking sorry he was that everything was falling apart.
“Yunho.... look at me,” he pleaded as he gyrated his hips slowly, burying Yunho as deep as he could inside him, needing to feel as much as he could. “Love me like you used to. I want you to look at me.”
Yunho shook his head once, frowning at a point on the wall above Jae’s shoulder.
“If you think it will make it easier, you’re wrong. Nothing could make this easier. Please,” Jae begged. “For the last time. Yunho, please.”
Jae didn’t even bother trying to keep the desperation from his voice. From the moment Jae had met Yunho it had been one big battle of desperation, first wanting to have him, then wanting to keep him and now losing him forever. They hadn’t been careful enough and now they were paying the consequences most dearly.
Just then, Yunho relented and Jae felt himself break as he saw how difficult it was for his lover just to summon the ability to look at him. Their eyes met, hot and cold together as one of Jae’s hands lifted from Yunho’s chest and brushed away a tear that was trickling silently down Yunho’s cheek.
He felt Yunho’s hands clench even tighter around his hips and he pushed down hard, so hard it burned all the way through his body but the pain made it feel real, like this wasn’t some horrific nightmare he was stuck in forever.
“Tell you me you love me,” Jae implored.
Yunho didn’t look away this time, he held Jae’s gaze as firmly as he held Jae’s hips. But the words Jae wanted to hear more than anything didn’t come, Yunho didn’t even open his mouth. Yunho was severing the ties that bound them faster than Jae could stand.
He felt like he was being torn apart. He couldn’t bare it, he couldn’t bare anything and he wondered how Yoochun and Junsu would keep him together. They’d have to pick up every damn piece that Lee Soo Man had spattered all over Korea. If he hadn’t promised Yunho suicide was not an option Jae would take his own life, he knew it would be easy once his reason for living was gone from his life forever.
He’d entertained countless tales of a dramatic exit, he’d slash down Lee Soo Man for destroying their perfect life and then he’d jump from the tallest building in Seoul just to show the world how fucking wrong it was.
Jae was startled from his turmoil when Yunho removed one hand from around his hip and cupped the base of his skull.
“Jae,” Yunho whispered hoarsely. “Don’t think like that.”
Jaejoong’s hand shot up to clasp Yunho’s. “It’s all so dark. It’s like I can’t see and everything fucking hurts.”
Yunho nodded in understanding, but said, “If you throw away your life then I’ll never forgive you.”
“There’s nothing left I care about,” Jae had stopped moving now, though Yunho was still nestled inside him. It was uncomfortable but he was about to leave it for the rest of his life so he gripped Yunho even tighter. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck,” Jae suddenly cried out. “I can’t do this!”
Yunho reached both hands up now, clutching Jae’s face between his hands. “I love you so much.”
Jae wailed, he threw his head back and screamed so loudly his throat burned. “I can’t, I can’t. I was wrong, I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t,” Yunho said, urgently tugging Jae down towards him. “Lee Soo Man offered you something you had to take. Your family would be living on the streets otherwise and you’d be living a life of shame.”
“I don’t care about them, I don’t care about anyone but you,” Jae was sobbing now, hunched over Yunho’s chest. “Yunho, my heart is breaking. Can’t you feel it?”
He grabbed both of Yunho’s hands and pressed them against his chest. His heart was thudding, racing a mile and minute and he knew Yunho would be able to feel it because every beat was for him.
“I won’t have you to put me back together,” Jae said. “Yunho... Yunho.... I can’t...” He pushed his face into the juncture between Yunho’s neck and shoulder and prayed to every deity out there to let him remain in these arms forever.
Yunho’s body twitched and Jae knew his lover was weeping.
“Does it hurt you, too?”
Yunho nodded, “So much. It makes me want to die.”
“No, no no no,” Jae started to panic and sat up. Stoic Yunho was almost better than damaged Yunho. “Don’t you dare leave this world before me.”
Yunho moved his hips slightly, pushing up into Jae. “Hush, I wouldn’t do something I made you promise never to do. I couldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t leave you alone.”
Jae groaned as he felt Yunho brush inside him. “Yunho... you can’t leave me any more alone than I am.”
Yunho’s hands found Jae’s hips and he latched on tight again.
“Love me,” Jae pleaded, dropping his head back with closed eyes and trying to forget everything but the man inside him. “Forgive me.”
Yunho clenched his hands and Jae clenched around Yunho. “I...”
“Even if you don’t mean it, tell me you do. I need to hear it.”
“I love you,” Yunho said. “And it’s Lee Soo Man I have to forgive.”
Jae’s face contorted as his chest spasmed. “I will never forgive him.”
“Then forgive me,” Yunho whispered.
Jaejoong was jolted by Yunho’s words and he opened his eyes. “What?”
“I let this happen,” Yunho wouldn’t meet Jae’s gaze.
“No, no,” Jae shook his head vehemently. “Yunho, there is nothing in this world that would make me blame you for this.”
Yunho’s expression was so pained that Jae leant down to kiss him. Their last kiss, maybe. He pressed his lips against Yunho’s and rocked gently above him, loving him like he’d never love another. The feel of Yunho all around him was so overwhelming it hurt and before Jaejoong could stop himself, he sobbed into the kiss, clinging onto his lover.
“I love you more than anything and I promise that will never change,” Yunho whispered.
Jaejoong let out a desperate cry, collapsing into Yunho as his body convulsed. “I can't... I just can’t...I don’t know how to live without you... I...” Jae tried but his throat wouldn’t cooperate anymore, instead forming only wretched cries of anguish. “It’s over, Yunho, it’s fucking over and I can’t...”
“I love you,” Yunho interrupted. “I love you more than the air I breathe, I love you more than my family, I love you more than dancing, I love you more than Seoul in the spring time, I love you more than living.”
Jaejoong’s whole body was trembling as he fought to cling onto Yunho’s words; he wanted to contain them in a box that he could treasure forever.
Yunho squeezed his waist and kissed his cheek. “I love you more than Changmin,” he whispered.
Jaejoong tried to laugh but only managed a weak hiccup against Yunho’s neck. “Do you know how much I love you?”
He felt Yunho nod and his hands smooth down his back.
“I know,” Yunho said quietly.
“I love you a whole lot,” Jae said anyway. “We’re goddamn perfect together.”
They began moving again, a bitter desperation that had them clinging to each other like the world was ending. To Jaejoong and Yunho the world was ending, splitting them in two and creating a vast ocean between them that neither of them had a boat big enough to cross.
Jae could feel Yunho move in and out of him slowly, lovingly, and his sobs made him hold onto his lover as tight as he could. All Yunho’s reluctance and animosity from the beginning of the evening had evaporated and instead a broken hearted boy was left in it’s wake, a shell of U-Know Yunho.
Jae felt himself be gathered in Yunho’s arms as the taller man turned them over once more, pressing his whole body against Jae’s. His hands ran over Jae’s thighs, spreading them wider and kissing him all the while. He could feel Yunho’s climax coming and he rolled his hips down, wanting to draw every ounce of pleasure from his lover. He wanted to be perfect, he wanted to love Yunho with everything he had.
“Jae, don’t let go,” Yunho’s pleading words were uncharacteristic and Jae squeezed his eyes shut, tears flowing from them as Yunho kissed him over and over until he was crying out. His mouth dropped open as he felt Yunho grab onto his cock just as he came and then Jae clenched tight, forcing himself to keep moving as he rode out their orgasms.
Yunho collapsed heavily onto Jae, crushing him against the mattress. Their chests rose and fell rhythmically and Jae could feel his come, sticky between their stomachs.
Too soon, however, Yunho was pulling away from Jae, wiping his hand on the sheets and shifting to sit on the edge of the bed. He sank his head into both hands and exhaled, his shoulder taught.
“Yunho—”
Jae struggled to sit up, his body noncompliant post-orgasm. Just as he reached one hand out to touch Yunho’s shoulder, Yunho stood up.
“Jaejoong,” he said lowly, not turning to face Jae. “That was the last goodbye.”
Jae cried out, unprepared for such an abrupt dismissal. “Not yet!”
Yunho turned around and regarded Jae with a deep sadness. “You knew it was coming. Fuck, fuck, this hurts.”
“So much,” Jae agreed. “I wish--”
But Yunho shook his head. “Please, Jae. You need to go.”
Jaejoong remained silent but nodded, his whole body starting to tremble again. He knew the time had come to sever his ties with Yunho and it killed him. Wordlessly, Yunho reached out to tug Jae up until they were standing hip to hip in the centre of the room. Jae crowded closer, wanting to press his skin against his lover’s.
Very carefully, Yunho pushed Jae’s hair away from his face and locked their gazes. “You have to promise me you’ll look after yourself?” He leant in to kiss Jae’s cheek softly.
Jae’s eyelids fluttered shut and he nodded, finding one of Yunho’s hands and holding on so tightly he was crushing Yunho’s slender fingers together.
“Look after Changmin for me,” Jae said softly, as he began to cry silently.
Yunho nodded, matching tears streaming down his cheeks. “Our baby,” he said, the shadow of a smile just visible.
Jae leant forward and kissed Yunho on the mouth.
“I love you, Yunho,” Jaejoong said. “That’s my promise.”
Yunho let go of Jae and nodded. Words seemed to be too hard but Jaejooong knew how much Yunho loved him, he knew how fucking hard this was for him. Reluctantly, Jae pulled away, removing himself from the safety of his lover’s arms and dropping his gaze.
Swiftly, he dressed and moved towards the door. He hesitated, his hand hovering over the door handle before he shook his head, shrouding his eyes behind dark hair and steeling himself to live a life without Yunho.
Just as he pulled the door wide, strong hands wrapped around his waist and Yunho was pressing his lips to the side of Jae’s neck. Instinctively, Jae gasped and pressed back into the embrace. He thought he was prepared to hear Yunho’s final “I love you” but when Yunho uttered the three words, Jae broke, almost crumpling to the floor. His chest heaved and the world span in circles until he felt like he was going to black out. Jae gripped Yunho’s forearm and cried.
Yunho held him together for long minutes and then let go. Jae swayed but remained on his feet, his heart and soul a broken mess. Jae sucked in a shuddering breath; he’d have to learn to deal with that though, he’d have to—
“I will find my way back to you,” Yunho said. “That’s my promise.”
Jae’s heart pounded and then Yunho was gone and Jae was left standing in the hallway, alone.
A/N: This is pretty different from my first DBSK fic, but I wanted to try something out of my comfort zone :) I hope it was alright, I’m more than a little shaky on this kind of stuff! I don’t know if it was too OH WOE IS YUNJAE or too pain, hurt, angst, cry, kiss, cry some more .-. I’m sorry I went for something less happy and I'm more sorry if it sucked ♥ /hands out candyfloss.
Hmm, maybe I’ll stick to my usual... yeah.
A/N II: So, hai! I'm new to this kpop thing and I forgot to mention on my other fic, but it'd be nice to have some fellow DBSK fans on my flist. If you like, say hi and add me (n_n) I'm aways excited to make new friends :):)
P.S Happy YunJae Day!
Pairing: YunJae (Yunho/Jaejoong)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: adult content, language
Disclaimer: The words are my own but not the boys.
Summary: Yunho and Jaejoong spend one last night together.
When Jaejoong knocked on Yunho’s door he knew he would be leaving in pieces. Pieces that for the first time, Yunho wouldn’t be there to glue back together. They’d stood side by side through everything SME had thrown at them but this one final blow was ripping them apart and now the time had come for the last goodbye.
Jae shivered, the warm air not doing a thing to heat his icy veins and knocked again. Behind the door the room was silent and for a moment he wondered if Changmin had given him the right door number. The hotel was vast and the maknae was prone to inattentiveness.
Seconds continued to tick by leaving Jae to shift restlessly from foot to foot. His heart was thudding like a dull toll and his eyes kept smarting but he withheld any tears, he would greet Yunho as he always had; standing tall.
Without warning, the door clicked open, pulled wide by a dishevelled looking Yunho.
“Jae... what—”
“I had to see you, one last time,” Jae said quickly, his eyes wide with the unshed tears.
Yunho shook his head sadly. “No, Jae, this isn’t a good idea.” He paused, his eyes flicking up to Jae’s and then away again. “I think you should leave.”
It was Jae’s turn to shake his head and he wrung his hands. “Please, Yunho, this is so hard. I can’t leave without saying goodbye to you.”
“We said goodbye yesterday, remember?”
Jae thought back to the lingering hugs the five friends had shared, the handshakes with management and the poisonous glares aimed at Lee Soo Man and his associates before he, Yoochun and Junsu had departed, supposedly to new horizons. But for Jae, he was leaving the only horizon he’d ever strived to meet and he knew that not having Yunho with him was going to kill him. Slowly and agonisingly, it was going to kill him.
“That wasn’t a real goodbye,” Jae insisted, stepping closer to Yunho and hoping to appease him. “You knew that.”
Jae watched as his lover –ex-lover, he reminded himself bitterly—pursed his lips tightly before sighing. “I did know that. But—”
“Stop,” Jae said before Yunho could widen the gulf between them and say things they would both regret. They needed to do this, Jae thought fiercely, it was the last thing they had. He pushed past Yunho and into the room. “One last time.”
Jae moved to sit on the end of the bed and waited for Yunho’s response. Yunho closed the door with a resonant click.
“Lee Soo Man—”
It was as though the mere mention the man who had destroyed them stabbed Jae hard, right through his chest and out the other side. The name cut like ice and made Jaejoong’s body tremble with both terror and unrepentant rage.
Yunho had stopped talking before Jae could say anything and he watched as his features twist into something akin to nausea. Jae wanted to reach out and smooth away the worry lines that Yunho hadn’t had six months before, makeup-less Yunho looked just as haggard as Jaejoong felt. At least his leader’s face hadn’t thinned out as much as his own. Every time Jae looked in the mirror he saw emaciated features, pretty only when the coordi noonas had caked his skin with pastes and powders and cover ups.
Suddenly Yunho broke the silence and Jae started, unprepared for his lover’s words. “Did anybody follow you here?” he asked quietly.
Jae sat motionless, scared to snap something in Yunho and make him change course. Yunho had never been able to deny Jae anything until Lee Soo Man had swept in like a demonic bat and snatched him under his wing, leaving Jae with an ultimatum; follow Yunho and pay the consequences or leave for good.
Leaving had been the toughest decision of his life and Jaejoong knew that although he would never admit it, Yunho at least partially blamed him. After all, Jae was the one walking away, taking Yoochun and Junsu – Yunho and Changmin’s brothers – with him. He looked across the room at the other man sadly.
“No,” he shook his head and two wayward locks of hair fell into his eyes. “No one knows where I am.” He paused. “Except Changmin, he told me where to find you.”
He watched Yunho through his hair, wanting the man to come closer, but Yunho remained by the door, only moving to dip his chin as he pondered Jae’s words.
“Because we have to be so careful,” Yunho said, looking at Jae with a blank expression. “We weren’t careful and now look where we are. Jae...”
“I know,” Jae whispered.
“Sometimes I can’t believe you’re really going,” Yunho leant against the door and regarded Jae with a mixture of despair and disappointment.
Hearing Yunho speak those words felt like the weight of a thousand worlds was pressing upon Jae’s shoulders; behind them he could hear the blame in Yunho’s voice. He looked at his lap where his hands were clasped tightly together. The knuckles were white against the dark denim of his jeans but no matter how hard he squeezed, he couldn’t stop them shaking.
Would an apology be futile? Would Yunho deny placing the blame upon Jae’s back or would he be reduced to anger as Jae had during so many conferences with SME? He didn’t want tonight to be about blame and resentment; he wanted to remember his last time with Yunho as perfect.
Before he could work out a response however, Yunho spoke up again. “This will be it, Jae. We can never, ever go back to how it was before. It’s all over.”
Jae’s head was still hanging and he nodded minutely. He didn’t trust himself to speak the hurt was so great. His chest ached and his eyes stung, fighting back the tears was like a single tree fighting to hold back a flash-flood.
“One last time,” Yunho repeated Jae’s words softly.
At last Jae managed to raise his head again, finding Yunho’s gaze locked upon his own. Their eyes met across the small space between door and bed and before Jae could understand what Yunho was saying, the other man was striding towards him, kissing him as he pushed him back against the mattress.
“One last time,” Yunho said again against Jae’s lips. “Jaejoong...I...”
Jae whimpered, clutching onto the back of Yunho’s t-shirt and struggling to haul him as close as possible. Together they scooted up until Yunho gently rested Jae’s head against the pillows and his body covered Jae’s, pressing into him in that entirely familiar way.
Jae had always felt properly loved when he was with Yunho, they worked goddamn magic together and the knowledge that this would be the last time they could love each other made Jae’s whole body shake and his heart pound against his ribcage.
“Jae...,” Yunho breathed, trailing his lips across Jae’s cheek and down to his collar bone.
Jae spread his legs as Yunho settled between them and slowly worked the hem of Yunho’s shirt up until it was caught beneath his arms.
“I want to feel everything,” Jae said, his voice wavering dangerously.
Yunho pulled away, sitting back on Jae’s hips. “Me too,” was all he said, looking right into Jae’s eyes. Jae felt himself blush, knowing that despite Yunho’s inhibitions and despite Yunho’s hatred of how things were ending, there was still the flair of lust flashing behind tired eyes.
That Yunho wanted him always stirred something primal in Jae’s belly and he felt it now, tugging at his insides and causing him to release a heavy breath. His belly felt taught and his skin felt like an electric current was coursing just under the surface, as though one touch from Yunho would set him alight.
As if in understanding, Yunho reached down to touch Jae’s cheek, tracing the high bone and carefully sliding his fingers into his dark hair. Jae’s eyes fluttered shut at the loving gesture and he bit down on his lip to stop from sobbing. He’d never done anything this hard in his life and it was fucking tearing him apart.
“Don’t cry,” Yunho said delicately. “Pretend we’ll wake up together tomorrow and pretend we never stepped into this nightmare. Pretend we’ll go on living together, you and I, okay?”
Jae nodded and screwed his eyes shut, not opening them even as he felt Yunho dip low and kiss first one lid then the other in the tenderest gesture Jae had ever known.
“Show me your eyes,” Yunho coaxed before kissing Jae’s lips.
Jae opened his wet eyes and gazed up at Yunho. He blinked, admiring how beautiful his lover was. Jaejoong knew that he was pretty but Yunho was gorgeous, sometimes it had hurt to look at him but now it was as though someone was hacking his heart out with a pickaxe. To know he could never again call Yunho his own made his whole body quiver, to know that soon Yunho would have a beautiful girl on his arm who he would call “his girl” was too much.
“Oh god,” Jae choked. “Yunho—”
But before another word could spill out, Yunho was kissing him hard. The firm press of his lips made Jae gasp and he allowed Yunho’s tongue to gently open his mouth until they were dancing together, Jae surrendering to Yunho’s insistent touches.
“I think you’re wearing too many clothes,” Yunho said into the kiss, at the same time pushing Jae’s shirt up over his nipples.
The comment was so familiar that Jae nearly laughed, startled at the way Yunho had so casually dropped it into the bittersweet moment. It was exactly what Yunho always said before stripping Jae down to nothing but bare skin.
“I agree,” he said softly and allowed Yunho to sit back, pulling Jae up with him until their legs were tangled together and they were both sitting on the bed.
Their eyes met and Jae tried to smile for Yunho, wanting him to remember this not as goodbye but as a promise to love Yunho forever. Yunho’s own lips quirked up in a strained smile and then he was lifting Jae’s shirt up and off until it landed somewhere over the side of the bed.
“Jeans,” Yunho mumbled, focusing on the zipper as Jae’s crotch.
Jae rested his hands on Yunho’s shoulders as he knelt up and allowed Yunho to tug the waist band of his trousers and boxers down to his knees. Just as Jae was about to stand and rid himself completely of the clothing though, Yunho wrapped his arms right around Jae’s waist and nuzzled his belly, kissing over his navel.
“I’ll miss every single thing about you,” Yunho said, the words garbled against Jae’s abdomen. Jae had to lean over Yunho to steady himself. He clutched onto his head and pressed his nose into Yunho’s messy hair. His stomach contracted painfully as he tried to hold them both together.
“Fuck.”
“I hate this,” Jae said. “So fucking much.”
Yunho seemed to be coping better than Jae. His lips were soothing against Jae’s belly, kissing the soft skin again and again until he couldn’t bear it any longer. Jae stood, removing his jeans completely and then waiting as Yunho did the same.
For the second time that night, Yunho laid Jae back against the mattress, running his hands all over Jae’s now naked body. Yunho’s perfect, slim fingers dipped into all Jae’s favourite places, touching everywhere and giving him all the attention he needed. Their lips never left each other and soon Jae found himself slowly starting to grind his hips against Yunho’s. The pace wasn’t hurried; it was gentle and languid, each man wanting nothing more than to love properly for the last time.
As he moved, Jae felt their cocks come to life together until Yunho shifted lower, hiking Jae up the bed and lowering his hips to press between Jae’s legs.
Jae gasped. He dug his hands into Yunho’ back and felt the shuddering ripple of muscle beneath tanned skin. Warm lips kissed behind his ear as he tipped his head back against the pillows.
“All I ever want is you,” Jae managed as he felt Yunho move between his legs. “I won’t ever love anyone as much as I love you.”
Yunho looked at Jae with dark eyes but remained silent. He bent down for one more kiss before propping himself on one forearm while the other trailed down Jae’s body until it touched lightly between Jae’s legs.
Carefully, Yunho nudged Jae’s legs further apart with his hand, rubbing circles into the inside of his thighs as they moved closer and closer to...
“Are you ready?” Yunho asked.
Jae nodded and reached other the pillow, feeling around for the familiar white tube. He smiled when his fingers closed around the small cylinder.
“Did you know?” He asked Yunho.
“I hoped,” Yunho replied, unsmiling.
“I wouldn’t have gone without saying goodbye, you have to have known that,” Jae frowned, reaching up to cup Yunho’s cheek with one hand.
Yunho looked away and Jae sighed, letting his hand drop. He felt as though Yunho was already letting go, while for Jae, he would never be able to let go. Perhaps Yunho was trying to make the split easier on them but Jae didn’t want him to, not yet, not tonight.
He didn’t say anything, not now. Instead he pressed the lube into Yunho’s palm and lifted his head to kiss his cheek.
The click as Yunho thumbed open the white tube reverberated right beside his ear and it unnerved Jae. Everything they did he was forced to acknowledge the fact that it would be the last time.
He watched silently as Yunho rubbed the liquid between his fingers, warming it up as he always did and then the hand disappeared again between Jae’s legs.
“Ohh,” Jae exhaled as Yunho pressed his thumb against his hole, pushing enough to cause a burn but not breaching him yet. With both arms, Jae clung to his lover and tugged him close.
As their lips met, two of Yunho’s fingers pushed into Jae’s body and he panted into Yunho’s mouth, his heart beating faster at the intrusion.
“Okay?”
Jae knew Yunho was asking because it had been months since they’d made love. Lee Soo Man had made sure to fill their time with conference after conference, show after show after court appearance and then when they had free time, Yunho would be whisked away to sign this, or Jae’s flight would be inexplicably delayed. But now, he was ready.
“Yes,” he breathed.
Yunho added a third finger and Jae gasped; the pain a surprise but Yunho’s immediate attentiveness more than welcome.
“Shh,” Yunho soothed, kissing along the side of Jae’s neck when the elder pressed the back of his skull into the pillows again.
“Oh, it’s so good,” Jae said, his words slightly strained as Yunho pushed his fingers in and out.
“Baby...” Yunho said hoarsely and Jae arched his back. Yunho rarely used terms of endearments and it made Jae’s toes curl to know that, in a way, Yunho was marking him out as his own.
“I’m ready, I promise,” Jae said, as he shut his eyes tight.
He felt Yunho’s free hand push into his hair and move already sweaty fronds back off his forehead. The bottle of lube was opened once more and Jae knew Yunho was slicking his cock, preparing himself diligently.
Suddenly, Jae wanted to love Yunho like he deserved to be loved, properly and wholly. He struggled to raise himself, his waist bending against Yunho’s weight as he half sat up.
He placed one hand against the other man’s chest and shoved gently. Yunho’s confused gaze was wiped away and replaced instead with an unreadable expression, but Jae knew he’d understood as he obediently rolled to his back tugging Jae over him until the lead singer was straddling Yunho’s hips.
Their gazes met, fire burning behind both sets of eyes and Jae sucked in an unsteady breath. He sat up, reaching behind himself to wrap wiry fingers around Yunho’s cock as he positioned himself.
Never looking away from Yunho he whispered, “For the last time,” as he sank down onto his cock in a swift, fluid movement.
He cried out, throwing his head back as intense pain and pleasure shot up his spine and into every nerve in his body.
“Ah!” Yunho’s hands flew to Jae’s hips, gripping them painfully and holding Jae still.
One of Jae’s hands had been flung back to clutch Yunho’s thigh while the other was wrapped tightly around his cock, willing himself not to unravel.
Very slowly, they began to move, Jae forcing himself to think of nothing but Yunho’s long, thick cock sliding in and out of him, how much he lived for this, how much Yunho meant to him. How much he loved Yunho with his entire fucking being.
He lifted himself, dropping back down and rotating his hips expertly. Jae knew how to dance, and Jae knew how move his hips. They’d learnt together, Yunho and Jae, they’d learnt how to dance together and they’d learnt how to love together.
Loving anyone like Jae loved Yunho would never happen and Jae whimpered as he clenched around the man beneath him, wanting to feel every part fill him.
He heard Yunho breath through clenched teeth and looked down to see dark eyes watching him.
His chest contracted painfully. How had it come to this?
“Fuck... this is so hard.”
Yunho’s eyes darted away, his fingers digging hard into Jae’s hips.
Jae felt he barely had any right to complain. He knew it was killing Yunho to be with him one last time because he was the one walking away. Jae was the one leaving Yunho and Yunho would be left with Changmin, the two of them pawns of SME. Lee Soo Man had given Jae two paths, one which was impossible to take and so Jae had been forced to stumble down the second, too desperate not to see his family suffer.
He cried out brokenly, his teeth found his bottom lip and he bit down viciously, fighting off the rising agony in his chest. Instead he tried to focus on how Yunho’s nails would be leaving small crescents in his skin, how when he’d take a shower tomorrow he would wash away everything but ten tiny bruises imprinted on his hips and reddened lips. He wondered if any physical pain would ever eclipse the pain of his shattered heart.
Desperately, he forced himself to look down at Yunho, wanting to tell him how fucking sorry he was that everything was falling apart.
“Yunho.... look at me,” he pleaded as he gyrated his hips slowly, burying Yunho as deep as he could inside him, needing to feel as much as he could. “Love me like you used to. I want you to look at me.”
Yunho shook his head once, frowning at a point on the wall above Jae’s shoulder.
“If you think it will make it easier, you’re wrong. Nothing could make this easier. Please,” Jae begged. “For the last time. Yunho, please.”
Jae didn’t even bother trying to keep the desperation from his voice. From the moment Jae had met Yunho it had been one big battle of desperation, first wanting to have him, then wanting to keep him and now losing him forever. They hadn’t been careful enough and now they were paying the consequences most dearly.
Just then, Yunho relented and Jae felt himself break as he saw how difficult it was for his lover just to summon the ability to look at him. Their eyes met, hot and cold together as one of Jae’s hands lifted from Yunho’s chest and brushed away a tear that was trickling silently down Yunho’s cheek.
He felt Yunho’s hands clench even tighter around his hips and he pushed down hard, so hard it burned all the way through his body but the pain made it feel real, like this wasn’t some horrific nightmare he was stuck in forever.
“Tell you me you love me,” Jae implored.
Yunho didn’t look away this time, he held Jae’s gaze as firmly as he held Jae’s hips. But the words Jae wanted to hear more than anything didn’t come, Yunho didn’t even open his mouth. Yunho was severing the ties that bound them faster than Jae could stand.
He felt like he was being torn apart. He couldn’t bare it, he couldn’t bare anything and he wondered how Yoochun and Junsu would keep him together. They’d have to pick up every damn piece that Lee Soo Man had spattered all over Korea. If he hadn’t promised Yunho suicide was not an option Jae would take his own life, he knew it would be easy once his reason for living was gone from his life forever.
He’d entertained countless tales of a dramatic exit, he’d slash down Lee Soo Man for destroying their perfect life and then he’d jump from the tallest building in Seoul just to show the world how fucking wrong it was.
Jae was startled from his turmoil when Yunho removed one hand from around his hip and cupped the base of his skull.
“Jae,” Yunho whispered hoarsely. “Don’t think like that.”
Jaejoong’s hand shot up to clasp Yunho’s. “It’s all so dark. It’s like I can’t see and everything fucking hurts.”
Yunho nodded in understanding, but said, “If you throw away your life then I’ll never forgive you.”
“There’s nothing left I care about,” Jae had stopped moving now, though Yunho was still nestled inside him. It was uncomfortable but he was about to leave it for the rest of his life so he gripped Yunho even tighter. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck,” Jae suddenly cried out. “I can’t do this!”
Yunho reached both hands up now, clutching Jae’s face between his hands. “I love you so much.”
Jae wailed, he threw his head back and screamed so loudly his throat burned. “I can’t, I can’t. I was wrong, I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t,” Yunho said, urgently tugging Jae down towards him. “Lee Soo Man offered you something you had to take. Your family would be living on the streets otherwise and you’d be living a life of shame.”
“I don’t care about them, I don’t care about anyone but you,” Jae was sobbing now, hunched over Yunho’s chest. “Yunho, my heart is breaking. Can’t you feel it?”
He grabbed both of Yunho’s hands and pressed them against his chest. His heart was thudding, racing a mile and minute and he knew Yunho would be able to feel it because every beat was for him.
“I won’t have you to put me back together,” Jae said. “Yunho... Yunho.... I can’t...” He pushed his face into the juncture between Yunho’s neck and shoulder and prayed to every deity out there to let him remain in these arms forever.
Yunho’s body twitched and Jae knew his lover was weeping.
“Does it hurt you, too?”
Yunho nodded, “So much. It makes me want to die.”
“No, no no no,” Jae started to panic and sat up. Stoic Yunho was almost better than damaged Yunho. “Don’t you dare leave this world before me.”
Yunho moved his hips slightly, pushing up into Jae. “Hush, I wouldn’t do something I made you promise never to do. I couldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t leave you alone.”
Jae groaned as he felt Yunho brush inside him. “Yunho... you can’t leave me any more alone than I am.”
Yunho’s hands found Jae’s hips and he latched on tight again.
“Love me,” Jae pleaded, dropping his head back with closed eyes and trying to forget everything but the man inside him. “Forgive me.”
Yunho clenched his hands and Jae clenched around Yunho. “I...”
“Even if you don’t mean it, tell me you do. I need to hear it.”
“I love you,” Yunho said. “And it’s Lee Soo Man I have to forgive.”
Jae’s face contorted as his chest spasmed. “I will never forgive him.”
“Then forgive me,” Yunho whispered.
Jaejoong was jolted by Yunho’s words and he opened his eyes. “What?”
“I let this happen,” Yunho wouldn’t meet Jae’s gaze.
“No, no,” Jae shook his head vehemently. “Yunho, there is nothing in this world that would make me blame you for this.”
Yunho’s expression was so pained that Jae leant down to kiss him. Their last kiss, maybe. He pressed his lips against Yunho’s and rocked gently above him, loving him like he’d never love another. The feel of Yunho all around him was so overwhelming it hurt and before Jaejoong could stop himself, he sobbed into the kiss, clinging onto his lover.
“I love you more than anything and I promise that will never change,” Yunho whispered.
Jaejoong let out a desperate cry, collapsing into Yunho as his body convulsed. “I can't... I just can’t...I don’t know how to live without you... I...” Jae tried but his throat wouldn’t cooperate anymore, instead forming only wretched cries of anguish. “It’s over, Yunho, it’s fucking over and I can’t...”
“I love you,” Yunho interrupted. “I love you more than the air I breathe, I love you more than my family, I love you more than dancing, I love you more than Seoul in the spring time, I love you more than living.”
Jaejoong’s whole body was trembling as he fought to cling onto Yunho’s words; he wanted to contain them in a box that he could treasure forever.
Yunho squeezed his waist and kissed his cheek. “I love you more than Changmin,” he whispered.
Jaejoong tried to laugh but only managed a weak hiccup against Yunho’s neck. “Do you know how much I love you?”
He felt Yunho nod and his hands smooth down his back.
“I know,” Yunho said quietly.
“I love you a whole lot,” Jae said anyway. “We’re goddamn perfect together.”
They began moving again, a bitter desperation that had them clinging to each other like the world was ending. To Jaejoong and Yunho the world was ending, splitting them in two and creating a vast ocean between them that neither of them had a boat big enough to cross.
Jae could feel Yunho move in and out of him slowly, lovingly, and his sobs made him hold onto his lover as tight as he could. All Yunho’s reluctance and animosity from the beginning of the evening had evaporated and instead a broken hearted boy was left in it’s wake, a shell of U-Know Yunho.
Jae felt himself be gathered in Yunho’s arms as the taller man turned them over once more, pressing his whole body against Jae’s. His hands ran over Jae’s thighs, spreading them wider and kissing him all the while. He could feel Yunho’s climax coming and he rolled his hips down, wanting to draw every ounce of pleasure from his lover. He wanted to be perfect, he wanted to love Yunho with everything he had.
“Jae, don’t let go,” Yunho’s pleading words were uncharacteristic and Jae squeezed his eyes shut, tears flowing from them as Yunho kissed him over and over until he was crying out. His mouth dropped open as he felt Yunho grab onto his cock just as he came and then Jae clenched tight, forcing himself to keep moving as he rode out their orgasms.
Yunho collapsed heavily onto Jae, crushing him against the mattress. Their chests rose and fell rhythmically and Jae could feel his come, sticky between their stomachs.
Too soon, however, Yunho was pulling away from Jae, wiping his hand on the sheets and shifting to sit on the edge of the bed. He sank his head into both hands and exhaled, his shoulder taught.
“Yunho—”
Jae struggled to sit up, his body noncompliant post-orgasm. Just as he reached one hand out to touch Yunho’s shoulder, Yunho stood up.
“Jaejoong,” he said lowly, not turning to face Jae. “That was the last goodbye.”
Jae cried out, unprepared for such an abrupt dismissal. “Not yet!”
Yunho turned around and regarded Jae with a deep sadness. “You knew it was coming. Fuck, fuck, this hurts.”
“So much,” Jae agreed. “I wish--”
But Yunho shook his head. “Please, Jae. You need to go.”
Jaejoong remained silent but nodded, his whole body starting to tremble again. He knew the time had come to sever his ties with Yunho and it killed him. Wordlessly, Yunho reached out to tug Jae up until they were standing hip to hip in the centre of the room. Jae crowded closer, wanting to press his skin against his lover’s.
Very carefully, Yunho pushed Jae’s hair away from his face and locked their gazes. “You have to promise me you’ll look after yourself?” He leant in to kiss Jae’s cheek softly.
Jae’s eyelids fluttered shut and he nodded, finding one of Yunho’s hands and holding on so tightly he was crushing Yunho’s slender fingers together.
“Look after Changmin for me,” Jae said softly, as he began to cry silently.
Yunho nodded, matching tears streaming down his cheeks. “Our baby,” he said, the shadow of a smile just visible.
Jae leant forward and kissed Yunho on the mouth.
“I love you, Yunho,” Jaejoong said. “That’s my promise.”
Yunho let go of Jae and nodded. Words seemed to be too hard but Jaejooong knew how much Yunho loved him, he knew how fucking hard this was for him. Reluctantly, Jae pulled away, removing himself from the safety of his lover’s arms and dropping his gaze.
Swiftly, he dressed and moved towards the door. He hesitated, his hand hovering over the door handle before he shook his head, shrouding his eyes behind dark hair and steeling himself to live a life without Yunho.
Just as he pulled the door wide, strong hands wrapped around his waist and Yunho was pressing his lips to the side of Jae’s neck. Instinctively, Jae gasped and pressed back into the embrace. He thought he was prepared to hear Yunho’s final “I love you” but when Yunho uttered the three words, Jae broke, almost crumpling to the floor. His chest heaved and the world span in circles until he felt like he was going to black out. Jae gripped Yunho’s forearm and cried.
Yunho held him together for long minutes and then let go. Jae swayed but remained on his feet, his heart and soul a broken mess. Jae sucked in a shuddering breath; he’d have to learn to deal with that though, he’d have to—
“I will find my way back to you,” Yunho said. “That’s my promise.”
Jae’s heart pounded and then Yunho was gone and Jae was left standing in the hallway, alone.
A/N: This is pretty different from my first DBSK fic, but I wanted to try something out of my comfort zone :) I hope it was alright, I’m more than a little shaky on this kind of stuff! I don’t know if it was too OH WOE IS YUNJAE or too pain, hurt, angst, cry, kiss, cry some more .-. I’m sorry I went for something less happy and I'm more sorry if it sucked ♥ /hands out candyfloss.
Hmm, maybe I’ll stick to my usual... yeah.
A/N II: So, hai! I'm new to this kpop thing and I forgot to mention on my other fic, but it'd be nice to have some fellow DBSK fans on my flist. If you like, say hi and add me (n_n) I'm aways excited to make new friends :):)
P.S Happy YunJae Day!
