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emilyexorsistTitle: Popstar
Pairing: YunJae (Yunho/Jaejoong)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, slight dub-con
Disclaimer: The words are my own but not the boys.
Summary: Behind the scenes there is no glamour.
Author's Note: unbeta'd and written very, very quickly so apologies for grammatical errors and general crapness! :)
For what felt like the twentieth time that day Jaejoong was ushered into a van, windows blacked out, plush leather seats and a stale smell that came with every new vehicle. A burly man crowded in beside him, slamming the door shut.
“Where’s Micky?”
“Taken another car.”
Jaejoong slumped in his seat, exhaustion threatening to take over. His whole body was aching and he knew that if he didn’t request the weekend off he’d be spending it in a hospital bed. When was the last time he’d slept a solid three hours? He envied the security guards sitting next to him, who had set hours and a salary that meant he didn’t have to cram in extra interviews and tack on five more dates to an already extensive tour.
Outside he watched the hundreds of paparazzi and fangirls pressing in on all sides of the five or so cars they’d acquired for the day. Fleetingly, he wondered what his bodyguard would say if he just opened the door and let them spill inside. He’d been an idol for so long he’d forgotten what it was like to be obsessively into someone. Sometimes, back when Dong Bang Shi Ki wasn’t broken he’d ask Yunho if he could imagine being on the other side of fame.
Neither of them could, though both of them often dreamed of it. At first the five of them had united in brotherhood to dominate the world of the glitterati but soon the glamour faded and none of them knew how to survive in the dark abyss of stardom.
“We’re here,” the bodyguard grunted.
Jaejoong didn't even nod. He waited for someone to let him out before clutching his bag to his chest and darting from the sidewalk and toward the building waiting for them.
Hello, conference four hundred of the day. The door was held open for him and he was pushed inside, hands grabbing at him from all sides, under the guise of protecting their million dollar baby.
“This way,” a tall man said curtly and Jaejoong followed the outstretched hand to an elevator.
Inside, up, directed to a room like so many he’d seen before; one mahogany table surrounded by twenty or so swivel chairs.
“You okay?” Jae felt a hand press into the small of his back and he tensed. But the press was gentler than what he was used to.
He nodded once. “Go see how Junsu is.”
Yoochun left his side in search of their comrade and Jaejoong sank into the first chair he reached, wishing he was innocuous enough to go unnoticed.
No such luck. Two and a half hours of being the sole contender for most stared at man in Korea. Yoochun and Junsu were attractive but Jaejoong knew he was the real money maker, he’d been told he ‘just had that face.’ He scowled, wanting to mar his expression and show them how quickly he could destroy the perfect photo opp.
“You’re a star, baby.”
Jaejoong started, his heart jolting as he felt a clammy hand on his bare shoulder where the sleeve had slipped down.
He glanced up and into the eyes of a CJeS senior.
Mustering a smile, he tried to subtly shrug the man’s palm of his shoulder. Anyone other than Yunho touching him made him squirm, but he was used to it, used to being manhandled all over the world, a business deal to close here, a quick PR stunt there. Jae was their walking, living ticket to anything.
“Come on,” the man smiled, several crow’s feet appearing as he did so.
“Where to?” Jaejoong asked, widening his eyes in that innocent way they all seemed to go wild for.
“There’s a company drinks party on the top floor later. Come freshen up first.”
Jaejoong’s heart thudded but he stood up, sweeping the room frantically for Yoochun or Junsu.
“Could you just—”
“You’re friends are coming, too.”
Jaejoong relaxed and nodded, then allowed himself to be escorted to the top floor.
~~~~
"No hand towels,” Junsu looked sour as he slid into a plastic chair, the kind that Jae remembered from his school days.
“What made you think they’d graduate to hand towels?” Yoochun said, smiling bitterly. “We’re their puppets, you don’t give hand towels to puppets.”
Jae remained silent, not looking forward to plastering on a smile for hundreds of men all drooling over his behind. Nothing appealed to him more than curling up in bed at home with...
He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and pressed so hard bright lights started darting in and out of his vision.
“Jae...”
Jae dropped his hands but kept his eyes closed.
“Just a few more hours,” Yoochun whispered.
“And then what?”
“And then it’s a new day,” Micky’s voice was tired, Jaejoong could hear it. They were all exhausted.
“Maybe they’ll surprise us with a vacation,” Junsu said and Jae looked up to see his younger friend smiling ruefully. Junsu’s naivety had been the last to evaporate but when SME had robbed him of a trip to see his dying grandmother it vanished forever.
Just to keep up morale Junsu could still smile almost as brightly and genuinely as he used to. Jaejoong had lost that ability when SME had forced them out, throwing them to the dogs and keeping Yunho and Changmin safely locked away. Even if Yunho had said it was for the best, Jae still couldn’t see how.
A knock on the door forced Jae to look up. He saw Yoochun stride open to pull it wide and out traipsed the three men, trying to ready themselves for another long night.
~~~~
Jaejoong had been trying to avoid drinks all night but when men who have more power than a nuclear bomb offer to buy you one, it’s a death wish to decline.
The room was spinning, in and out of focus but if Jaejoong held onto something solid he found he was able to appear more sober than he felt.
A smarmy man was his current standing pillar but Jaejoong found he had enough alcohol in his system not to care who he was cosying up to. He might in the morning but if he’d closed another business deal then who cares? Jaejoong wasn’t allowed to so that left no one.
“Ah, here he is.”
Jaejoong tilted his head slightly as his eyes landed on a tall man coming towards them. He had slicked back hair – much too oily – and small eyes so dark they looked black.
They two men exchanged greetings but Jaejoong failed to catch either of their names. Nothing was said that could maintain Jae’s levels of interest so instead he zoned in and out, smiling and laughing and wishing he was on an island surrounded by nothing but palm trees and exotic birds and—
“Pretty, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” the tall man nodded, eying Jaejoong predatorily. “Very pretty indeed.”
“You two should become better acquainted. Jaejoong, take Mr Chung for a drink on the roof, why don’t you. Mr Chung, there is an excellent view.”
“I’m sure.”
Jaejoong knew without looking that Mr Chung wouldn’t be interested in any views of Seoul.
“I—”
The smarmy man pinched Jae’s arm painfully, out of sight of anyone and said. “Excuse me, I must run. Pleasure to meet you Mr Chung.”
“Likewise,” Mr Chung smiled back, more crow’s feet erupted. Jae tried not to grimace.
He remained silent, rocking slightly on his feet and trying to remember not to do anything stupid.
So he sucked in a breath, smiled and blinked owlishly up at the man clearly wanting to eat him alive. “Shall we?”
~~~~
The roof was cold, just like everything about CJeS. A chilly breeze swept over the rooftops and caught Jae unaware in a skimpy t-shirt and jeans.
Mr Chung had been droning on and on but Jae was drinking in every word he spoke, more than eager to keep the conversation flowing. Absently, he wondered where Junsu and Yoochun were. Maybe they’d burst in and rescue him with some fake emergency. Not that they’d ever done that before. Jae didn’t blame them, they all knew how this industry worked.
“So, do you like fast cars?”
Jae knew that was his cue. He nodded with a smile, then took the arm offered to him and tried his best to go numb.
~~~~
“You really are as beautiful as you are on TV.”
“Thank you,” Jae tried to ignore the hands roaming his chest and the rough lips sucking powerfully on his collar bone. Bit by bit he was shutting down, his whole body shoving away reality as hard as it could. The sticky leather of Mr Chung’s car seats were glued to his back and he squirmed uncomfortably.
Maybe it was Yunho, come back to him for good, caressing him as gently as he always did. Maybe Yunho still loved him like he used to and they could go on living as they did together. Maybe Yunho was unbuttoning his jeans and maybe Yunho’s hand was grabbing roughly at handfuls of his ass.
A deep growl rumbled from Mr Chung’s throat and Jae winced. He gasped and screwed his eyes shut.
“I hope you’re as good a fuck as you are beautiful.”
Jae sobbed, trying to conceal it as a noise of lust and clenched his fists so tightly together he knew he’d be nursing cuts in the morning.
~~~~
Jaejoong fumbled for his phone in his pocket.
“Fuck, fuck,” he cursed when his trembling fingers dropped it on the sidewalk, it bounced once and into the road. Headlights flared at him and a horn honked but he darted out to retrieve it nonetheless. One call, one call was all he needed to make then he could throw his phone in the sea for all it was worth.
After using him, Mr Chung had offered no ride back to the party, instead opening the door with a sickening smile and telling Jae he’d been more than satisfactory but his company was no longer required.
Required, Jae thought dolefully, I am more than a requirement. I am a person.
Jae turned his attention entirely on the phone cupped in his hands. It took three attempts before he managed to dial the number successfully; rain was now spittling down at him and his shaking hands couldn’t contend with the nature’s lubricant.
It rang five times, six, seven—
“Jae?”
Jae cried out, so thankful to hear that voice on the other end of the line.
“Yunho,” he breathed.
“... You need to stop doing this. Come on, Jae, you know that. I’m going to hang up.”
“No!” Jae panicked and sank down to sit on the curb. “No, please don’t.”
Yunho remained silent and then said. “Where are you?”
Jae spieled the address.
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
The phone line died leaving Jae alone with nothing but the rain for company. It didn’t matter though, Yunho was coming to patch him up. Maybe this time even return some of the love Jae had been craving for so long.
He sat, huddling on the sidewalk, rain soaking him to his skin. He sent a quick text to Yoochun and Junsu so they’d know he was safe for once and he hoped they were okay, too.
The promised fifteen minutes later a black car slid into view, silent as a panther, and slick as one. A door swung open and a long-fingered hand beckoned for Jae to come in.
“Jesus you’re soaking—ahh what the fuck?”
Jae had launched himself into Yunho’s arms. He thrust his face into Yunho’s neck and cried, the tears mingling with the rainwater to create a salty mess between their skin.
No arms came round to embrace him but Jae didn’t care, he was with Yunho and to his credit, Yunho didn’t try to pry him off of him. Instead they remained in quiet understanding, not moving and barely breathing.
“This has to stop,” Yunho said at last.
Jae finally pulled away, his back hitting the soft leather of Yunho’s car seat. He knew what Yunho meant but couldn’t understand how it could stop. He needed Yunho so desperately it was as vital as breathing.
“I have to see you sometimes,” he said. “Or I think I might die.”
“Bit dramatic.”
“No,” Jae disagreed.
“Jae...” Yunho sighed, his voice softening. “I worry about you.”
Jae blinked away more tears. “You know how it is.”
“I thought it would be better for you at CJeS.”
“It’s not.”
“I know.” Yunho paused for several long minutes. “I’m sorry.”
Jae shrugged. How could Yunho have known that splitting the band would send SME in a furore to create a world full of majestics for Changmin and Yunho and send the others spinning down the drain? CJeS were a bunch of bloodsucking criminals.
“Sometimes....” Jae began but stopped, his throat closing up around his words.
Unexpectedly, Yunho reached out a hand and squeezed Jae’s thigh. The touch soothed Jae and he sucked in a calming breath, pressing one hand over Yunho’s to ground himself.
“Sometimes I wish I could run away.”
“Just sometimes?” Yunho asked softly.
Jae looked up at him. “All the time.”
Yunho’s eyes were sad as he regarded Jae. There was no longer the burning desire that had smouldered there for so many years but Jae could still see the familiar fondness.
“There is no glitz and glamour,” Jae said bitterly.
“Not behind closed doors,” Yunho said, his hand moving gently in a soothing caress on Jae’s leg.
“Nice car, though,” Jae said, lifting the corners of his mouth in a half smile.
“Changmin and I share it,” Yunho smiled back. “Our little piece of the shiny life.”
Jae laced his fingers with Yunho’s and gazed at the man beside him. “Can you take me home tonight?”
Yunho didn’t say anything. Then, “yes.”
“Thank you.”
The engine purred into life and they drove off into the night, rain pattering against the windscreen. Silence reigned for a few miles but then Yunho fidgeted. Jae could tell he wanted to say something but was figuring out the best way to articulate his feelings.
“Will you stop this?”
“Stop what?”
“Fucking around to keep your fame.”
“I can make enough to go my own way if I do what they want me to for now,” Jae explained quietly.
“It’s stupid,” Yunho spat, suddenly vehement.
“Yunho—”
“It’s fucked up.”
Jae sighed. “I know, but that’s just how it is.”
Yunho didn’t give a reply. They turned sharply down a new road and Jae fixed his eyes ahead, watching the rain spear down in the headlights.
“I would run away with you, you know.”
Jae turned his head fast, “... what?”
Yunho pulled into the car park of Jae’s apartment block and turned off the ignition. He exhaled. “I would still do anything for you. Why do you think I pick you up whenever you call? I wouldn’t if I didn’t care. I care more than I want to.”
This time it was Jae to reach over and grasp Yunho, he grabbed at his hand and drew it close to his body, cradling it as though it was a new born baby.
“I still love you,” he admitted.
“I know.”
Rain continued to shower over the car. There were no wind screen wipers to slow the downpour and it was beginning to run in little rivulets over the glass like a miniature delta.
After long moments Yunho turned to connect their gazes. His dark eyes were sad and Jae wanted to cry out, cleanse Yunho of all reason to be sad.
Slowly, Yunho gripped Jae’s hand back and then released it, turning away and stepping out into the rain. Jae’s heart sank and he slumped back against the seat feeling utterly hopeless. He wanted out, he wanted to run away and screw over his whole contract. But he wanted to do all that with Yunho.
The passenger door clicked open and Jae jolted, unprepared for strong arms to tug him into the dark rain outside.
Wordlessly, Yunho pressed Jae against the car, leaning over him and fixing him with an unreadable gaze.
Then Yunho was kissing him, the moisture of Jae’s old tears and the fresh rain beating steadily down upon them mingled with the sweet taste of Yunho. His soft lips moved over Jae’s, pushing firmly, carefully against Jae’s.
The gasp that left Jae’s mouth when Yunho pulled away was desperate. That one lingering kiss had stirred something urgent deep inside Jae and if Yunho deserted him now he wasn’t sure what he’d do. His breathing hitched in panic and he grasped at Yunho’s arms, trying to anchor himself.
“I’m still in love with you.”
Jae stopped panicking. He stared at Yunho.
“Don’t make this harder, Jae. Stop fucking up your life.”
“What are you saying?” Jae asked slowly, watching Yunho carefully.
Yunho’s reply wasn’t immediate. “I don’t know yet. But I’m not giving up on you. Do you know how hard it’s been to watch you self destruct? I though the distance I put between us would be for the best.”
“It wasn’t.”
“I know.”
Yunho smoothed his palms up Jae’s bare arms. “Stay with me tonight? Tomorrow we’ll start again.”
Jae nodded.
“One step at a time,” said Yunho.
“Then can we run?”
“We can run as far as we fucking like.”
Jae smiled, a true smile, real and genuine. Behind all the faux glamour there was Yunho and Yunho was all Jae ever needed.
The end.
Author's Notes: Literally no fucking clue where this came from, sorry it’s another downer :( But love conquers all, right? Especially YunJae!
I realise this could and should be more padded out but I sort of got hit with the idea and my fingers skipped over any more detail than there is. I hope it didn’t destroy the story too much! Also, please excuse the ambiguity of their situations, turns out I like ambiguity... thank you for reading :D
Pairing: YunJae (Yunho/Jaejoong)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, slight dub-con
Disclaimer: The words are my own but not the boys.
Summary: Behind the scenes there is no glamour.
Author's Note: unbeta'd and written very, very quickly so apologies for grammatical errors and general crapness! :)
For what felt like the twentieth time that day Jaejoong was ushered into a van, windows blacked out, plush leather seats and a stale smell that came with every new vehicle. A burly man crowded in beside him, slamming the door shut.
“Where’s Micky?”
“Taken another car.”
Jaejoong slumped in his seat, exhaustion threatening to take over. His whole body was aching and he knew that if he didn’t request the weekend off he’d be spending it in a hospital bed. When was the last time he’d slept a solid three hours? He envied the security guards sitting next to him, who had set hours and a salary that meant he didn’t have to cram in extra interviews and tack on five more dates to an already extensive tour.
Outside he watched the hundreds of paparazzi and fangirls pressing in on all sides of the five or so cars they’d acquired for the day. Fleetingly, he wondered what his bodyguard would say if he just opened the door and let them spill inside. He’d been an idol for so long he’d forgotten what it was like to be obsessively into someone. Sometimes, back when Dong Bang Shi Ki wasn’t broken he’d ask Yunho if he could imagine being on the other side of fame.
Neither of them could, though both of them often dreamed of it. At first the five of them had united in brotherhood to dominate the world of the glitterati but soon the glamour faded and none of them knew how to survive in the dark abyss of stardom.
“We’re here,” the bodyguard grunted.
Jaejoong didn't even nod. He waited for someone to let him out before clutching his bag to his chest and darting from the sidewalk and toward the building waiting for them.
Hello, conference four hundred of the day. The door was held open for him and he was pushed inside, hands grabbing at him from all sides, under the guise of protecting their million dollar baby.
“This way,” a tall man said curtly and Jaejoong followed the outstretched hand to an elevator.
Inside, up, directed to a room like so many he’d seen before; one mahogany table surrounded by twenty or so swivel chairs.
“You okay?” Jae felt a hand press into the small of his back and he tensed. But the press was gentler than what he was used to.
He nodded once. “Go see how Junsu is.”
Yoochun left his side in search of their comrade and Jaejoong sank into the first chair he reached, wishing he was innocuous enough to go unnoticed.
No such luck. Two and a half hours of being the sole contender for most stared at man in Korea. Yoochun and Junsu were attractive but Jaejoong knew he was the real money maker, he’d been told he ‘just had that face.’ He scowled, wanting to mar his expression and show them how quickly he could destroy the perfect photo opp.
“You’re a star, baby.”
Jaejoong started, his heart jolting as he felt a clammy hand on his bare shoulder where the sleeve had slipped down.
He glanced up and into the eyes of a CJeS senior.
Mustering a smile, he tried to subtly shrug the man’s palm of his shoulder. Anyone other than Yunho touching him made him squirm, but he was used to it, used to being manhandled all over the world, a business deal to close here, a quick PR stunt there. Jae was their walking, living ticket to anything.
“Come on,” the man smiled, several crow’s feet appearing as he did so.
“Where to?” Jaejoong asked, widening his eyes in that innocent way they all seemed to go wild for.
“There’s a company drinks party on the top floor later. Come freshen up first.”
Jaejoong’s heart thudded but he stood up, sweeping the room frantically for Yoochun or Junsu.
“Could you just—”
“You’re friends are coming, too.”
Jaejoong relaxed and nodded, then allowed himself to be escorted to the top floor.
~~~~
"No hand towels,” Junsu looked sour as he slid into a plastic chair, the kind that Jae remembered from his school days.
“What made you think they’d graduate to hand towels?” Yoochun said, smiling bitterly. “We’re their puppets, you don’t give hand towels to puppets.”
Jae remained silent, not looking forward to plastering on a smile for hundreds of men all drooling over his behind. Nothing appealed to him more than curling up in bed at home with...
He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and pressed so hard bright lights started darting in and out of his vision.
“Jae...”
Jae dropped his hands but kept his eyes closed.
“Just a few more hours,” Yoochun whispered.
“And then what?”
“And then it’s a new day,” Micky’s voice was tired, Jaejoong could hear it. They were all exhausted.
“Maybe they’ll surprise us with a vacation,” Junsu said and Jae looked up to see his younger friend smiling ruefully. Junsu’s naivety had been the last to evaporate but when SME had robbed him of a trip to see his dying grandmother it vanished forever.
Just to keep up morale Junsu could still smile almost as brightly and genuinely as he used to. Jaejoong had lost that ability when SME had forced them out, throwing them to the dogs and keeping Yunho and Changmin safely locked away. Even if Yunho had said it was for the best, Jae still couldn’t see how.
A knock on the door forced Jae to look up. He saw Yoochun stride open to pull it wide and out traipsed the three men, trying to ready themselves for another long night.
~~~~
Jaejoong had been trying to avoid drinks all night but when men who have more power than a nuclear bomb offer to buy you one, it’s a death wish to decline.
The room was spinning, in and out of focus but if Jaejoong held onto something solid he found he was able to appear more sober than he felt.
A smarmy man was his current standing pillar but Jaejoong found he had enough alcohol in his system not to care who he was cosying up to. He might in the morning but if he’d closed another business deal then who cares? Jaejoong wasn’t allowed to so that left no one.
“Ah, here he is.”
Jaejoong tilted his head slightly as his eyes landed on a tall man coming towards them. He had slicked back hair – much too oily – and small eyes so dark they looked black.
They two men exchanged greetings but Jaejoong failed to catch either of their names. Nothing was said that could maintain Jae’s levels of interest so instead he zoned in and out, smiling and laughing and wishing he was on an island surrounded by nothing but palm trees and exotic birds and—
“Pretty, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” the tall man nodded, eying Jaejoong predatorily. “Very pretty indeed.”
“You two should become better acquainted. Jaejoong, take Mr Chung for a drink on the roof, why don’t you. Mr Chung, there is an excellent view.”
“I’m sure.”
Jaejoong knew without looking that Mr Chung wouldn’t be interested in any views of Seoul.
“I—”
The smarmy man pinched Jae’s arm painfully, out of sight of anyone and said. “Excuse me, I must run. Pleasure to meet you Mr Chung.”
“Likewise,” Mr Chung smiled back, more crow’s feet erupted. Jae tried not to grimace.
He remained silent, rocking slightly on his feet and trying to remember not to do anything stupid.
So he sucked in a breath, smiled and blinked owlishly up at the man clearly wanting to eat him alive. “Shall we?”
~~~~
The roof was cold, just like everything about CJeS. A chilly breeze swept over the rooftops and caught Jae unaware in a skimpy t-shirt and jeans.
Mr Chung had been droning on and on but Jae was drinking in every word he spoke, more than eager to keep the conversation flowing. Absently, he wondered where Junsu and Yoochun were. Maybe they’d burst in and rescue him with some fake emergency. Not that they’d ever done that before. Jae didn’t blame them, they all knew how this industry worked.
“So, do you like fast cars?”
Jae knew that was his cue. He nodded with a smile, then took the arm offered to him and tried his best to go numb.
~~~~
“You really are as beautiful as you are on TV.”
“Thank you,” Jae tried to ignore the hands roaming his chest and the rough lips sucking powerfully on his collar bone. Bit by bit he was shutting down, his whole body shoving away reality as hard as it could. The sticky leather of Mr Chung’s car seats were glued to his back and he squirmed uncomfortably.
Maybe it was Yunho, come back to him for good, caressing him as gently as he always did. Maybe Yunho still loved him like he used to and they could go on living as they did together. Maybe Yunho was unbuttoning his jeans and maybe Yunho’s hand was grabbing roughly at handfuls of his ass.
A deep growl rumbled from Mr Chung’s throat and Jae winced. He gasped and screwed his eyes shut.
“I hope you’re as good a fuck as you are beautiful.”
Jae sobbed, trying to conceal it as a noise of lust and clenched his fists so tightly together he knew he’d be nursing cuts in the morning.
~~~~
Jaejoong fumbled for his phone in his pocket.
“Fuck, fuck,” he cursed when his trembling fingers dropped it on the sidewalk, it bounced once and into the road. Headlights flared at him and a horn honked but he darted out to retrieve it nonetheless. One call, one call was all he needed to make then he could throw his phone in the sea for all it was worth.
After using him, Mr Chung had offered no ride back to the party, instead opening the door with a sickening smile and telling Jae he’d been more than satisfactory but his company was no longer required.
Required, Jae thought dolefully, I am more than a requirement. I am a person.
Jae turned his attention entirely on the phone cupped in his hands. It took three attempts before he managed to dial the number successfully; rain was now spittling down at him and his shaking hands couldn’t contend with the nature’s lubricant.
It rang five times, six, seven—
“Jae?”
Jae cried out, so thankful to hear that voice on the other end of the line.
“Yunho,” he breathed.
“... You need to stop doing this. Come on, Jae, you know that. I’m going to hang up.”
“No!” Jae panicked and sank down to sit on the curb. “No, please don’t.”
Yunho remained silent and then said. “Where are you?”
Jae spieled the address.
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
The phone line died leaving Jae alone with nothing but the rain for company. It didn’t matter though, Yunho was coming to patch him up. Maybe this time even return some of the love Jae had been craving for so long.
He sat, huddling on the sidewalk, rain soaking him to his skin. He sent a quick text to Yoochun and Junsu so they’d know he was safe for once and he hoped they were okay, too.
The promised fifteen minutes later a black car slid into view, silent as a panther, and slick as one. A door swung open and a long-fingered hand beckoned for Jae to come in.
“Jesus you’re soaking—ahh what the fuck?”
Jae had launched himself into Yunho’s arms. He thrust his face into Yunho’s neck and cried, the tears mingling with the rainwater to create a salty mess between their skin.
No arms came round to embrace him but Jae didn’t care, he was with Yunho and to his credit, Yunho didn’t try to pry him off of him. Instead they remained in quiet understanding, not moving and barely breathing.
“This has to stop,” Yunho said at last.
Jae finally pulled away, his back hitting the soft leather of Yunho’s car seat. He knew what Yunho meant but couldn’t understand how it could stop. He needed Yunho so desperately it was as vital as breathing.
“I have to see you sometimes,” he said. “Or I think I might die.”
“Bit dramatic.”
“No,” Jae disagreed.
“Jae...” Yunho sighed, his voice softening. “I worry about you.”
Jae blinked away more tears. “You know how it is.”
“I thought it would be better for you at CJeS.”
“It’s not.”
“I know.” Yunho paused for several long minutes. “I’m sorry.”
Jae shrugged. How could Yunho have known that splitting the band would send SME in a furore to create a world full of majestics for Changmin and Yunho and send the others spinning down the drain? CJeS were a bunch of bloodsucking criminals.
“Sometimes....” Jae began but stopped, his throat closing up around his words.
Unexpectedly, Yunho reached out a hand and squeezed Jae’s thigh. The touch soothed Jae and he sucked in a calming breath, pressing one hand over Yunho’s to ground himself.
“Sometimes I wish I could run away.”
“Just sometimes?” Yunho asked softly.
Jae looked up at him. “All the time.”
Yunho’s eyes were sad as he regarded Jae. There was no longer the burning desire that had smouldered there for so many years but Jae could still see the familiar fondness.
“There is no glitz and glamour,” Jae said bitterly.
“Not behind closed doors,” Yunho said, his hand moving gently in a soothing caress on Jae’s leg.
“Nice car, though,” Jae said, lifting the corners of his mouth in a half smile.
“Changmin and I share it,” Yunho smiled back. “Our little piece of the shiny life.”
Jae laced his fingers with Yunho’s and gazed at the man beside him. “Can you take me home tonight?”
Yunho didn’t say anything. Then, “yes.”
“Thank you.”
The engine purred into life and they drove off into the night, rain pattering against the windscreen. Silence reigned for a few miles but then Yunho fidgeted. Jae could tell he wanted to say something but was figuring out the best way to articulate his feelings.
“Will you stop this?”
“Stop what?”
“Fucking around to keep your fame.”
“I can make enough to go my own way if I do what they want me to for now,” Jae explained quietly.
“It’s stupid,” Yunho spat, suddenly vehement.
“Yunho—”
“It’s fucked up.”
Jae sighed. “I know, but that’s just how it is.”
Yunho didn’t give a reply. They turned sharply down a new road and Jae fixed his eyes ahead, watching the rain spear down in the headlights.
“I would run away with you, you know.”
Jae turned his head fast, “... what?”
Yunho pulled into the car park of Jae’s apartment block and turned off the ignition. He exhaled. “I would still do anything for you. Why do you think I pick you up whenever you call? I wouldn’t if I didn’t care. I care more than I want to.”
This time it was Jae to reach over and grasp Yunho, he grabbed at his hand and drew it close to his body, cradling it as though it was a new born baby.
“I still love you,” he admitted.
“I know.”
Rain continued to shower over the car. There were no wind screen wipers to slow the downpour and it was beginning to run in little rivulets over the glass like a miniature delta.
After long moments Yunho turned to connect their gazes. His dark eyes were sad and Jae wanted to cry out, cleanse Yunho of all reason to be sad.
Slowly, Yunho gripped Jae’s hand back and then released it, turning away and stepping out into the rain. Jae’s heart sank and he slumped back against the seat feeling utterly hopeless. He wanted out, he wanted to run away and screw over his whole contract. But he wanted to do all that with Yunho.
The passenger door clicked open and Jae jolted, unprepared for strong arms to tug him into the dark rain outside.
Wordlessly, Yunho pressed Jae against the car, leaning over him and fixing him with an unreadable gaze.
Then Yunho was kissing him, the moisture of Jae’s old tears and the fresh rain beating steadily down upon them mingled with the sweet taste of Yunho. His soft lips moved over Jae’s, pushing firmly, carefully against Jae’s.
The gasp that left Jae’s mouth when Yunho pulled away was desperate. That one lingering kiss had stirred something urgent deep inside Jae and if Yunho deserted him now he wasn’t sure what he’d do. His breathing hitched in panic and he grasped at Yunho’s arms, trying to anchor himself.
“I’m still in love with you.”
Jae stopped panicking. He stared at Yunho.
“Don’t make this harder, Jae. Stop fucking up your life.”
“What are you saying?” Jae asked slowly, watching Yunho carefully.
Yunho’s reply wasn’t immediate. “I don’t know yet. But I’m not giving up on you. Do you know how hard it’s been to watch you self destruct? I though the distance I put between us would be for the best.”
“It wasn’t.”
“I know.”
Yunho smoothed his palms up Jae’s bare arms. “Stay with me tonight? Tomorrow we’ll start again.”
Jae nodded.
“One step at a time,” said Yunho.
“Then can we run?”
“We can run as far as we fucking like.”
Jae smiled, a true smile, real and genuine. Behind all the faux glamour there was Yunho and Yunho was all Jae ever needed.
The end.
Author's Notes: Literally no fucking clue where this came from, sorry it’s another downer :( But love conquers all, right? Especially YunJae!
I realise this could and should be more padded out but I sort of got hit with the idea and my fingers skipped over any more detail than there is. I hope it didn’t destroy the story too much! Also, please excuse the ambiguity of their situations, turns out I like ambiguity... thank you for reading :D
